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Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2020 3:17 pm
1 comment , 18 Pending
My Ex-Mother in Law
Posted:Feb 21, 2020 3:01 pm
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2020 6:07 pm

I had a funny post all thought out for today.... I'm going to save it for another time, though.

My after work routine always starts out with stopping at my ex-husband's house to pick up my . We decided long ago that the would get off the bus at his house each day so he would have the ability to see them often.

While there are times he is the last person on earth I want to see, the love him and he does deserve to see them as much as possible, so we make it work.

Today was no exception.

I got off work and headed over to this house. When I pulled into the driveway I saw an unfamiliar car, my first thought was that the white trash girlfriend had bought a new car.

Just great....

I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was my ex-mother in law.

"Oh, Hi! "

"Hello!" She was all smiley, but I could tell she didn't quite recognize me. Her memory has been slipping more lately, but I could see I seemed familiar.

"Do you remember?"

"No, you look familiar though." She was still smiling big at me. My ex-sister in law was sitting next to her on the couch, and she gently asked her who she was just talking about, she had just said my name.

"It's [secret_lade]." I smiled back when I saw her face light up.

"Ooooh!" She got up and started shuffling toward me, outstretched arms. I closed the distance between her and I leaned down to hug her. "Where are you working now?"

I told her where I was working, and what my title was.

"Oooh! That's a good job! You always were a hard worker, I never had to worry about you." She started to shuffle back to her seat on the couch, then turned to look at me again. "Where do you work at now?"

Once again, with the same excitement and tone that I used the first time, I smiled and told her where I was working and what my title was.

"Oooh! That's a good job!"

"Yep! It's one of the better jobs I've had."

Still smiling, I watched her take her seat on the couch. I saw my ex-husband wipe his eyes, he was getting teary eyed. We talked for a few minutes more and I told her I was so happy to see her.

And, I genuinely was.

For a very long time, my ex-mother in law was a very big part of our life. Every Sunday was spent at her home. Every holiday. Every soccer game, she was there. Every hockey game, she was there. Every Christmas program, she was there. Every single birthday from the moment I turned 18, she was there.

My ex-husband is a very emotional person, and the tears were streaming when he walked me to the door. I hugged him too, before I left.

"She looks good! Whether she recognizes people now, or not, doesn't matter. She still remembers them."

"Thank you [secret_lade]."

And then, we were off.

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a tad emotional tonight.

This woman would infuriate me a times, and treated me like a at times.... But she was ALWAYS a pillar or strength that I could count on.

I'm so glad to still have her be excited to see me and smile.
Single Parent Thoughts
Posted:Feb 20, 2020 7:12 pm
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2020 3:36 pm

I'm feeling bothered tonight....

There are times when I really wish I could give my everything. The latest tech gadgets, the most trendy clothing, the coolest experiences....

But, I can't.

Don't get me wrong, they get a lot. Even as I sit here typing this my spawn is wearing a $17 Nike headband and asking me if I like her gold earrings that her dad bought her.

She definitely doesn't go without....

But, there are times, like earlier tonight, that I just wish I could do more.

We were leaving the gym and she was asking me if I saw the who was on the treadmill. I didn't notice her, but it didn't really matter, because I didn't like the conversation that was about to take place.

My spawn was waiting for me to get done, sitting on the couch, listening to something on her phone with the ear buds that came with her phone.

This was not a cheap phone, I'm the one with the cheap phone, she's got an Iphone.

Well, the that was on the treadmill had apparently been wearing air pods and looked at my spawn and smirked at her...

We all know the smirk.

The smirk that says look at you, you poor white trash, listening to your music on 'wired' ear buds.

I immediately felt crushed.

I apologized to her.... And told her I wished I could do more sometimes.

I'll never forget her defiant little response back to me.

"Mom, it's ok! She's just a rich . I'm much more popular. Besides, we're tough and independent."

I knew then, I must be doing something right. Tough and independent.... I say this a lot.

We're tough and independent, we take care of ourselves!

But, it sure would be nice if stuff like that didn't make me feel like such a terrible Mom.
Better wear your underwear.
Posted:Feb 20, 2020 3:41 am
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2020 2:11 pm

It's hilarious when Boss #1 speaks before he thinks.

Friendly faux pas?

A little bit of the inner moron peeking through?

A tidbit of conversation between him and I before he left yesterday....

Me - Are you going to be here tomorrow?

Him - Why? Does it matter?

Me- Yes. I need to know whether I can work on a project or not. I want to go through the locker mess and get it straightened out.

Him - Why does it matter if I'm here?

Me - You have a habit of consuming my time....

Him - (cutting me off) When have I ever asked you to stop what you are doing to do something else??


Him - Thats....

Me - I repeat, LIGHTBULBS.

Him - (slightly red faced) Better watch it, you'll be working in the greenhouse tomorrow.

Me - I have a feeling I will be working on my locker project.

Him - Better wear your underwear.

Me - My underwear??

Him - Yes... No.... You know what I meant.

Me - What exactly are you saying here??

He meant, long underwear. I used it to my full advantage.

Me - Your face is kind of red. Are you saying I'll be working on the locker project?

Him - Yes. Ok, I'm outta here. Have a good night.
It's a blizzard outside with white out conditions.
Posted:Feb 18, 2020 3:17 pm
Last Updated:Feb 20, 2020 3:03 pm

By all means, send me out in the storm to pick up your fucking light bulbs from Standard Electric.

Even better?

Tell me to ask for a guy named Gene when I get there.


Because Gene isn't going to know what in the hell I'm talking about and will call 2 sales guys and talk to a truck driver before he figures it out.

Boss #1 sent me out in the weather to pick up 4ft shatter resistant bulbs for one of our departments today. He TOLD me he had just gotten off the phone and they were expecting me.


When I showed up, I announced who I was and stated I was there to pick up the bulbs. The guy just stared at me. I then announced who I worked for and stated he had just talked to Gene on the phone.

I was talking to Gene. Gene picked up the phone and called a sales guy.

The sales guy has no idea what is going on.

I had no idea what was going on.

Turns out... My boss had indeed called, but did not explain where he was calling from or even tell the sales guy his name. He merely asked if they carried the bulbs and stated we would be right there.


I managed to finally get to the bottom of things and purchase the stupid bulbs, trecking my way back to work in the snowstorm.

My thanks?

In the afternoon meeting Boss #1 says to my coworker, "You can thank [secret_lade] for risking her life to get your lights."


Fucking Asshole
I had forgotten....
Posted:Feb 18, 2020 3:43 am
Last Updated:Feb 20, 2020 3:05 pm

But last night was a reminder.

I've been going to the gym daily since I started back up again.

It's safe to say, it is now part of my nightly routine. I was only part way through with cooking dinner when I looked at the time, and it was gym time.

"I don't know what to do. I want to go, but everything isn't done yet."

Oddly, my anxiety causes me to fret about TIME in general. I have routines based on things I do at certain times.

"Just go, we can eat when you get back."

Middle was at my place last night. I love him so much... He is my cool as a cucumber who can just roll with anything.

"Are you sure, I'll be gone for an hour?"


Changed into my gym stuff and off I went with my youngest spawn.

I knew the moment I got to the gym he was there.

You know who....

Obscene Groan Gym Guy.

Every gym has this guy.... He's the guy who is always at the weight machines, lifting as much as he can possible lift, spewing obscene grunts and groans into the world as if he had just reached the most intense orgasm to ever have been had.

My spawn was on facetime with her little bestie.

"Ew, what was that?"

I heard her little voice coming from the phone. I burst out laughing, trying to conceal it as much as possible

"We're at the gym. Some weirdo sounds like he's dying."

The Spawn was responding back, talking a little louder than I would have liked.


I hushed her. I honestly don't think anything could have been heard over Obscene Groan Gym Guy though.

I headed over to the treadmill and took my place while The Spawn sat on the floor in front of me sharing our experience with the bestie. We had been there for about 10 minutes when Obscene Groan Gym Guy ripped out a fart during a lift.

"I heard that."

The bestie's little voice shot out from the phone. I just shook my head and laughed.

I had forgotten why I don't take my with me to the gym.... I was soon reminded.
The coffee maker growled at me this morning.
Posted:Feb 17, 2020 3:55 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2020 2:39 pm

Should I be worried??

I stayed up too late last night....

It was kind of hard to pull myself of bed this morning. When I got of the shower I attempted to make a single cup of coffee....

On my third attempt, I actually succeeded.

Everything was a struggle, not going to lie. I discovered I didn't clean the filter yesterday morning, which meant I had to do that first. Stuck my cup in the cup spot and walked away to turn on the news.

After about 5 minutes of listening for that familiar gurgling coffee making sound, I glanced over at the maker to see if I'd missed the magical event and the coffee was already brewed.


Not even on. I neglected to the button before I walked away. OMG

Attempt #2

I walked over and the button, the maker proceeded to growl at me. I stepped back and laughed, thinking, I've been watching too many scary movies again. The weather was being covered so I popped into the living room to see what was in the forecast.

Snow. Ugh....

That familiar sound of the coffee brewing coming to a close.... I headed back into the kitchen eager for my go juice.

It was water.

I forgot to put the COFFEE in the filter. It's been a rough morning.

Attempt #3

Finally got my shit together. Coffee in filter, water in water spot, cup in cup spot. Thank fucking God, I don't think I can make it through this one more time. Hit the button and stood and stared until the coffee was completely brewed.

Time to start my day.
The Grocery Store Rolling Pick-Up
Posted:Feb 16, 2020 7:04 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2020 6:42 pm

So, the grocery app is back online and this chick utilized it once again.


We all know how much I HATE grocery shop.

It's an amazing feeling when you can just roll into a parking space, have a random worker put your groceries into the back of your car, and roll away. No need to tip, no need to exchange pleasantries, no need to worry about your hair and makeup....

It's fantastic!

The downside?

Purchasing $35 dollars worth of groceries that come in grocery bags with 1 item each.


I live in an upstairs apartment, people!

Making a second trip is not what I want do..... So, I managed grab all bags and made my way up the stairs and my apartment door only discover my keys were buried somewhere in my bag hands.

Trying shuffle all the bags my left hand, I ended up dropping the bag with the eggs in it.

But, I found my keys!

And, only 1 egg broke.....

A day in the life....
Posted:Feb 15, 2020 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2020 5:36 pm

The eliptical was kicking my ass again tonight. Little sweat beads formed on my upper lip, one trickled down the middle of my back.

I licked my lips.... Salty.

Made me think of sex. Or, more precisely, the lack thereof.

At work, yesterday, I made a comment that made my work BFF blush twice. We were in my office with another coworker and I asked him how he was feeling. He had been sick when I saw him last and he still looked a little peaked.

He responded by stating, "I feel with my hands."


So, I replied back, "I like to feel with my toes."

I meant it innocently, to be funny, but his mind apparently went immediately to the gutter as his face turned a bright shade of crimson. Even when the story was retold 20 minutes later he turned red.

I wonder if he likes feet....

On the gym front....

I think I'm starting to earn regular status. Crazy Fit Gym Guy nodded to me from the stair climber when I walked up to the treadmill today.
And, she conquered the day.
Posted:Feb 14, 2020 6:45 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2020 5:36 pm

Not going to lie....

I got a rough start to the day today. It was a full-on case of the poor me's as I headed into work this morning.

Then I saw the comment from my favorite musical blogger...

And I smiled.

And, my day wasn't so bad.

I spent the day doing all the things I wanted to do.

When Boss #1 told me to get a snack for the 2 o'clock meeting, I picked what I wanted for a change.

Strawberries and chocolate dip.


(It was a big hit, btw, even though Boss #1 wrinkled his nose up at it when I told him that's what we were having.)

I laughed openly at Nose Hairs' funny story even though Boss #1 was disapprovingly hovering close by.

(He's got better things to do than monitor what I'm doing all day. I'm a grown woman.)

I ordered a pizza for dinner and ate all the bacon off of it before I even ate the first slice.

(Mmmmm.... Bacon.)

I did 1 mile on the treadmill and 3 miles on the exercise bike tonight.

(Thank God I did, if I hadn't done all 3 miles on the bike I would have missed selfie-taking gym guy wipe out on the elipical when he was trying to get a selfie.)

And, at this very moment, I'm rekindling my unrequited love for Dean Winchester. Carry on my Wayward !

(Love, love, LOVE my Supernatural.)

On a side note for my musical blogger friend: Meme guy introduced me to the song Blue Monday by New Order. Is this a remake? Sounds very similar to me.... But, I really liked it.

Happy Valentines Day guys.... I hope you were able to make the best of it.
The 'V' Word
Posted:Feb 13, 2020 6:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2020 3:52 am

I hate Valentine's Day.

Whoever said don't get married on a holiday had it 100% correct.

I know we don't plan on having a marriage fall apart like cheap tennis shoes... But, for some of us, it does.

And, I was the fool who got married on Valentines day.

When I picked my up from school today my ex-husband was already sitting on the couch with her, waiting for me to show up. He got up and walked over to me, giving me a hug and kissing me on the cheek.

"Happy Anniversary, I won't be seeing you tomorrow."

It's his weekend with the , so, no, he won't be seeing me.

"Happy Anniversary"

I said back. We've been divorced for 8 years, he still wishes me a happy anniversary every year.

He's taking his white trash girlfriend out for dinner tomorrow. We talked about it for a few minutes, and all I could think of was this is the first Valentines day that I'll be spending alone.

I started seeing the Hippie regularly in 2013, every Valentine's day since I spent with him.

Now I'm alone.


On the plus side, I'm sure the gym will be dead tomorrow night. I had to wait for both the treadmill and exercise bike tonight... What a pain in the ass.
From here to there....
Posted:Feb 12, 2020 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2020 5:42 pm

You know the woman...

The one that looks like she just stepped off the pages of a Glamour magazing. She has beautiful, flowing hair that floats away from her face in a breeze. The woman with perfectly applied make-up and an outfit on .

I'm not that woman.

I try really hard.... And, I kind of start that way each day. My long hair styled or straightened, button down shirts and black slacks with my smart girl glasses...

But somewhere along the way, it gets lost.

I look at myself in the rear view mirror of my car every day before I step to head into work.

Hair? Check!

Makeup? Check!

Shirt buttoned all the way? Check!

And, I head in.

My hair is NEVER blowing back in the breeze... It's blowing in my face, in my eyes, in my mouth. Its a constant battle of swiping hair out of my eyes, pulling hair out of my mouth, and maneuvering through water puddles I didn't see because hair is in my face.

I stumble through the front door, stomping my one wet foot as I always seem to manage to step in a puddle, and smooth down my shirt because I managed to have a temper tantrum right before I got to the door. I check out my reflection in the window as I step through and see my hair floating about my head like cotton candy.


Hurrying to my office, I see 5 coworkers all want to stop and chat.

Even better.

I finally make it to my office and check my reflection in the mirror.

Makeup smeared on left , strands of hair fused to the lipgloss on my lips, and the top button of my shirt is now unbuttoned with a good portion of my cleavage crack now exposed.

What the hell happened between here and there?
Water in the Workplace
Posted:Feb 11, 2020 12:37 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2020 2:22 am

I bought a bottle of water from the vending machine at lunch today.

No big deal…

Cheap store brand, thin plastic… I left the cap off because you could visibly see it had been frozen at one point before it found itself in the vending machine for me to purchase and the bottle was now malformed.

What could possibly go wrong?!?

Um…. Yah.

I was mid conversation when I grabbed the water to take a sip.

Before I knew it, water was spilling down the front of my shirt and all over my lap.

“Oh My Freaking God”

Like a little squeezing a juice box, water came gushing out the moment I picked up the cheaply made thin plastic bottle.


My tits and crotch were completely soaked.

I don’t think I could make this stuff up if I tried.

I fully believe I should have come with a list of instructions.....

Kind of like a Gremlin.

1. Do not feed in public.
2. No water at lunch time.
3. Public Restroom use prohibited

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