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Blonde LOGIC 2/27/2007
Two blondes living in Townsville were sitting on a bench
talking...... And one blonde says to the other, "Which
do you think is farther away..........Melbourne or the
moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo,
can you see Melbourne...?????"
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Room 302 2/27/2007
Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy
this:
A woman called a local hospital . . . .
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives
information about patients. I'd like to find out if
a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting
worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's
name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Concerned 2/27/2007
Today local police found a man's body in a park nearby.
They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly
Ass and a Small Wiener.
Let me know you're OK.
Your Concerned Friend
0 Comments, 40 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Little Johnny's Big Story 2/27/2007
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school
playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed
the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Karen in an passionate embrace.
Little Jphnny found this so exciting that he could not contain
himself and he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's
car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back ...
0 Comments, 933 Views,
33 Votes
,7.37 Score
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3 samurai's 2/26/2007
3 samurai decide to see who's the greatest swordsman.A
judge approaches the 1st samurai and opens a box.A fly comes
out, which the warrior instantly cuts in half."Impressive, "the
judge says, before walking over to the 2nd samurai. When
the fly emerges from the second box, the 2nd samurai dices
the fly into equal parts."Incredible, "the
judge says. Finally, the judge opens a 3rd box in front of ...
1 Comments, 139 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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short joke but FUNNY!!! 2/26/2007
Thought this was too funny to NOT share!
Know why a guy snores when they sleep on their backs??? Answer: because their balls fall down over their asshole
and they develope vaper lock.
1 Comments, 117 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Stiff Dick 2/25/2007
An Amish woman and her were riding in an old buggy
one cold blustery day. The said to her mother,
"My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them
between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."
So the did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the was riding with her boy friend
and he said "My hands are freezing cold." The
girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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IRISH JOKE 2/25/2007
O'Ryan staggered home very late after another evening
with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife,
Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading
to their up stairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught
himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed
heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE.I'M BROKE!! ....... 2/25/2007
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a
vacuum cleaner "Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I
would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered
vacuum cleaners"
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't
got any money!", "I'm broke!" and
she proceeded to close ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score
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LESBONICS 2/25/2007
LESBONICS
1 . What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? .. A licker cabinet.
2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? . A Klondyke.
3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? .... Militia Etheridge.
4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same
time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on
their face.
5. What do you call two lesbians in a ...
2 Comments, 95 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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TV Guide 2/25/2007
Just to let you know what is on TV next week...
ARAB TV GUIDE > > > >SUNDAY: > > 0800 - My 33 Sons > > 0830 - Osama Knows Best > > 0900 - I Dream of Mohammed > > 0930 - Let's Mecca Deal > > 1000 - The Kabul Hillbillies > > > > > > MONDAY: > > 0800 - Husseinfeld > > 0900 - Mad About Everything > > 0930 - Monday Night Stoning > > 1000 - Win Bin Laden's Money > > 1030 - ...
2 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS 2/25/2007
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his
wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls
and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were ...
1 Comments, 148 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Blonde Samaritan 2/24/2007
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She
jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the
door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name
is Heather, and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When
the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches
up Again. She jumps out of her car, runs ...
1 Comments, 144 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Ouch! 2/23/2007
There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He
became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar
and a lot of things that took two arms.
One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide. He got
on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man
skipping along, whistling and kicking up his ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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for the ladies 2/23/2007
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does
it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb... ...
4 Comments, 361 Views,
15 Votes
,6.19 Score
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Affair # 3 2/21/2007
***********************************************************************************
The Third Affair A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing
discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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The affair # 5 2/21/2007
***********************************************************************************
The Fifth Affair
A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar
and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be 1 cent." "One
Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice
juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir,
" ...
0 Comments, 106 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Sixth affair 2/21/2007
***********************************************************************************
The Sixth Affair Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight
vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to
move slightly. "Becky my darling, " he whispered. "Hush
my love, " she said. " ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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Memories! 2/21/2007
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement
home Reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness
of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be
much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size
of two big onions she could buy for a penny a ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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O boy! 2/21/2007
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book,
and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy
asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father."
The little boy replied "My Daddy doesn't wear
his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered "I
am the Father of many."
The boy said "My Dad has 4 ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Lesson from a donkey! 2/21/2007
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried
to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed
to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve
the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They
all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the ...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Not a Joke! 2/21/2007
A hospital volunteer, a former school teacher, was asked
to visit a in the burn unit. The class the was missing, she was told,
was studying a unit on adverbs in English. The volunteer was not prepared
for what she found: a boy horribly burned over most of his body, hardly
recognizable at all. The volunteer did the best she could with him, and frankly
was glad when her time was up so she could ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Stress 2/21/2007
An Indian went to a psychiatrist, complaining of insomnia.
The doctor asked 'what seems to be the problem?'
The indian said 'Doc, at night, I have one dream that
I'm a wigwam, another night I dream I'm a tepee....
Can you help me?' The doctor leans back, deep in thought. A few minutes later
he says 'I think I know what your problem is...... you're
two tents!'
0 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
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Perils in 'briefs' 2/21/2007
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your
headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very
rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your
spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to
relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything
to live ...
2 Comments, 88 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Little Johnny 2/21/2007
This old retired sat on her front porch every morning
. As little Johnny was walking by one day she sticks he pinky
finger up and says Hello LIttle boy .This went on for 3 or
4 days makeing Little Johnny wonder why she always stuck
her pinky up and hollered Hello Little boy. So he marches
up to her porch one moring and ask her as he is copying he gesture
witht the pinky , ,just why do u tell ...
1 Comments, 181 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Cock and Balls go to a party 2/20/2007
Cock tells balls, "hey lets go to a party." balls="no, everytime we go to a party you always go
in leaving us outside knocking"
0 Comments, 77 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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3 LITTLE MICE..... 2/20/2007
(NOTE: SAY TO OPPOSITE SEX)
THERE WERE 4 LITTLE MICE. 3 MALES, 1 FEMALE. ALL WERE ASTRONAUTS
& SET TO BLAST OFF TO OUTER SPACE. WHEN THEY GOT THERE,
THE SPACESHIP BROKE DOWN WITH NO WAY OF FIXING IT SOON. THE
FEMALE MOUSE WAS FRANTIC. SHE GOES TO THE 1ST MALE MOUSE
& SAYS, "PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO GET BACK HOME"
PLEASE... SO HE SAYS, "FUCK ME & I'LL TELL
YA".... SO SHE FUCKS HIM BUT HE TELLS ...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
8 Votes
,0.93 Score
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Texas 2/20/2007
A well built young man from Texas went to a Hollywood party.
An experienced blonde party-goer invited him upstairs
for a private party.
Take off your jacket Tex. As he removed his jacket , she remarked
" you have a very big chest." He responded, "
everything is big in Texas ma-am".
She helped Tex remove his shirt and commented, "your
biceps are very large" Tex replied, "everything
is ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
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Audience with the pope 2/19/2007
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are
THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey
leads the pack. "Dopey, my , " says the Pope,
"what can I do for you?"
"Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf
nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for
a moment, and answers "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf
nuns in ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Verbally Disadvantaged 2/18/2007
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading
America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians
will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed
a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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